Teen Corner

“Face to Face"
Journal of Keena Marie Fitzgerald

September 19, 1929-Broken Records

Well,
she didn’t write back,
again.
No surprise there. Daddy says to give up,
no use darlin’, don’t be messing with things
you
can’t fix.

He tells me that all the time.
Too much,
in my opinion.
Why hit me while I’m falling?

September 19, 1929-Broken Promises

He makes me crazy,
Day in and day out,
He works,
Works, works, works.
Its like he’s trying to find something,
that’s not there anymore.

And he knows it,
just as well as I do.

We’re doomed soon,
says Daddy,
says the neighbors,
says God,
says men are waiting outside our door.
Day in and day out,
they wait for our rent.

I think all of us do too much waiting.

In a week or so,
just one more week,
I promise.
When Daddy says
I promise,
chances are he’ll break it.
Chances are he’ll break it into ten thousand pieces,
then hit you when you’re falling.

September 20, 1929-Lost

Well, I guess
Daddy,
the neighbors,
and God were right.
Daddy, and me
are doomed.
More Daddy though.
He’s just losing his mind without Mam.
Not saying that I’m not upset,
but Mam had some kind of hold on Daddy.
Some kind of medicine,
perfectly balanced that made Daddy
so serene,
like on a cloudless day,
listening to the gurgling River Shannon,
when the crystal sky sparkles,
the river gleams.

I miss those days.
The memories now of Limerick,
still there,
but feel so distant,
except the River Shannon,
I can still hear it gurgle and
see it, aglow,
glittering, as I watch it pass on by.

But like I said,
Those days are lost.
Mam is lost,
and I think,
I am lost.
Maybe we can both learn to find a way.
Together.

September 25, 1929-Torn Up

When Daddy came home tonight,
I was doing my schoolwork,
he told me to find Mam.
And that he needs to ask her something,
important.

I don’t know what to do,
What to say?
What do you say to someone like that?
Someone who has their wife in Limerick,
been there for three years now,
happily away from her husband,
from her only daughter,
no intentions of come to America with them.
What do you say to something like that?

Well I pretended to look for her,
I walked and walked, far out into parts of New York City,
until I had to turn around, before I got too
lost.
When he saw I was alone when I walked in the door,
He told me I’m the one who drove her off,
What do you say to something like that?
What do you say when your Mam won’t come see you,
and your Daddy’s lost his mind,
and you're just fourteen years old?
It has been three years,

I’m sick of it.

September 29, 1929-Some Kind of Miracle

It was like Jesus had, he turned water to wine,
a pure miracle,
a miracle so magical.
And Mam,
well I guess she was some kind of miracle.

Mam wrote back,
She told me,
She has no intention of coming to America,
which I already knew.
She told me she was happy,
and she’s
not sorry for staying there.
And she concluded the note with saying three last things:
Get a job,
Come to Limerick,
And never look back.
What job? I’m in school and
I’m only twelve.

Well I guess that sounded okay,
But in reality,
America was better than Ireland.
What? With all those memories galloping down the lane?
I don’t think Limerick and I are ready to talk to each other
face to face.
A quick glance is doing just fine.

October 5, 1929-Rotting

I remember the day we left packed up to leave for America,
the fire no longer danced on the walls,
the sun didn’t gleam through our one, lone window.
It was dirty actually,
The edge lined in dirt, the wood around it
rotting.
But we had to leave,
America had more opportunity,
said Daddy,
but I knew he meant money.
But really, I was fine in Limerick,
before.
The four walls and the River Shannon was all
I needed,
but I guess Daddy wanted more.

But Mam,
she wasn’t ready to go across the shining sea;
she just wanted to run away,
just run into the open road,
out into the country.

And all I could think was:
where does that leave me?

October 7, 1929-Getting Lost

There were days when it was nice in Limerick,
Everything seemed so full of life.
Even Mam,
with her dark brown hair,
her crystal blue eyes,
she had pale skin.
So frail,
So fragile.
I definitely take after my Mam.

Then there where the days
I walked
and walked
and walked,
far out into the country
all by myself,
I was never afraid.
Limerick and I, we had a special bond.
If I got lost,
Limerick would bring me back home,
no matter how far I went.

But one night,
darkness shadowed the hills,
silence crept into every home,
every inch of Limerick,
it wiggled its way into my ears,
only then,
I was afraid.

October 19, 1929-Waiting

Ten days,
that’s it.
I’ll be fifteen.

You’re growing up,
Keena Marie,
says Dad.

But I just wish Mam were here,
to see me,
watch me grow,
I’ve grown so much in these
three years,
not that she seems to care.
Daddy says she does, but I know better,
because if she did,
she wouldn’t be in Limerick,
leaving me here,
in the silence.

Three years,
I’m sick of it.

October 29, 1929-Painted Black

It’s my Birthday today,
I woke up,
My head searing,
I couldn’t move,
I didn’t want to anyway.
Daddy was at my side,
on his knees with his hand in mine, crying.

I was startled,
My Father?
Crying?
What do you say to that?
But I didn’t have that much time to think about what was going on,
It all went black.
I don’t remember anything,
Daddy brought my journal for me, so it was there when I woke up at the
hospital. Even though he’s lost his mind,
He still knows his little girl.

One hundred six fever.
My Father told me I was so delirious,
my body was so hot,
How can I get something like this?
I wish Mam was here,
no matter how much I hate her for staying in Limerick,
no matter how much she makes me crazy,
no matter how much she makes Daddy crazy,
I wish she were here.
She doesn’t belong in Limerick,
unless I’m there.
Limerick is mine,
we had the special bond,
but Daddy had to break it.

I told the nurse to turn on the radio,
I wanted to take the Worlds temperature.

I heard she’s not doing too well either.

November 4, 1929-Darkness

The stock market
crashed.
Crashed into ten thousand pieces,
and we all just let it;
not like we could stop it.

October 29, everything fell.

I’m getting pushed further into the Dark again.

November 10, 1929-Finding a Way

The World is just falling,
It’s doomed,
and I’m still here in this hospital bed.
Just like me,
The World’s temperature isn’t getting any better.

We’re all lost.
We need to learn to find a way,
Together.

December 16, 1929-Releasing

I was released from the hospital and
not sure how,
but I scratched up
(well, actually stole from Daddy)
the money to go to Limerick.
Maybe its time to take the chance,
maybe I need to run away and never look back.
I’m ready to run to the open road.

Limerick and I agreed,
we’re ready to see each other again,
face to face.

December 17, 1929-Run Away

I’m leaving today,
Out to the open road.
I won’t be able to write for a while.

I can’t wait to see Mam,
no matter how much I hate her for leaving us,
for making me crazy,
for making Daddy crazy.
She’s my Mam, and I’m so ready to see Limerick again,
I’m so ready to see the gurgling River Shannon,
face to face.

I’m ready to go to the open road
and run away,
I’m ready.

March 8, 1930-Daddy

I walked and walked,
for days and days,
until I reached the edge of Ireland.
I wasn’t afraid,
the River Shannon led me there.
Across the sparkling sea,
I see him standing on the banks of the Atlantic.
Smiling to myself,
the sun so enchanting,
kissing our cheeks.
I do love him,
always will,
but I needed to fly away,
out of the Dark,
and into the Light.
I’m
not sorry for leaving,
I’m
Home.